That Mother Lode

I remember when Kanye West said, "George Bush doesn't care about black people" on live TV after the devastation of Hurricane Katrina. If I had the same platform, I would say, "The child welfare system doesn't care about children." Everyone knows that the system is broken. Social workers are underpaid and given unbearable caseloads. Children are left in unsafe homes. Foster parents and agencies see kids as paychecks. Mental health/trauma recovery resources are insufficient. The list goes on and on. The problems are obvious to anyone with eyes to see and ears to hear. It is worse than you think. Anyone with a heart knows that things should be better for our kids. If we truly believe that children are the future and they all deserve to be loved and nurtured, then we would not have the system that is currently in place. We should do everything in our power to give them the support they need to be their best instead of being treated as just another number. I am g...

It's been several months since I first learned about the kid who stole my heart.  Since that day, I've had the pleasure of meeting them a few times at TWHA events and learning more about them.  Our interactions have been brief, but pleasant.  After reviewing several hundred profiles of other kids, I finally made my intent known to my agency, which officially started us on the path of adoption.  My agency submitted my home study to the child's case worker for review.  I passed the case worker's review and was told that there would be a RAS meeting scheduled without me for all interested parties, including my adoption coordinator, DFPS, TWHA, the guardian ad litem, etc.  My adoption coordinator would represent me and persuade the group to pick me.  If there were multiple families interested in this child, then there would be other adoption agencies there to represent those families too, but that wasn't the case.  After a couple of hours, I received ...

In November, my agency sent an email seeking volunteer families for short-term placements over the holidays because DFPS sometimes has a hard time placing kids during that time, and the kids end up sleeping in CPS offices or hotel rooms.  I let them know that my home was available if needed, and I was happy about potentially having a child in my home for the holidays.  I even purchased a few items that they could unwrap for Christmas.  I was also anticipating my mom and stepdad coming to Houston. The week before Christmas, I was still waiting on a placement, and my parents decided not to come due to the pending winter storm.  Fast forward to Christmas morning when I saw my former kids from children's church on stage performing "The Little Drummer Boy".  I beamed with pride and joy.  One of those kids holds a special place in my heart, and he came to greet me later during service.  I asked his mom if I could take him out during the week since I was on v...

I decided to turn the grief from my divorce into a positive, and I became more intentional about inspiring other people's children the same way that I wanted someone to inspire my future children.  That included volunteering to teach children's church.  I planted seeds by mentoring.  I bought books.  I sponsored scholarships.  I wrote letters to pen pals.  I visited juvenile detention centers.  I stood fully as a member of the village that raises children to fulfill their potential, and I embraced my support role.  My desire to be a mother didn't end.  I am blessed to have several close friends who have shown me that there are many paths to motherhood. They showed me what was possible. Their personal experiences taught me about IVF and IUF, gestational surrogacy, and donor sperm. (Aside: Why did autocorrect change that to "superman"? lol) At the beginning of 2021, two things happened that drew me closer to the foster care system. First, t...

I'm still waiting to be matched, so I'm working while I wait. My friend helped me assemble most of the bunk bed tonight. There's still more to be done, but we are proud of our work so far. Ikea is infamous for products with many parts and poor instructions. Thankfully, I found a YouTube video to help us get started. I'll test it out when it's finished to be sure that it is safe. I'm excited to complete the room and make it a beautiful space for kids.

Next week will mark 1 year since I lost a dear friend unexpectedly. Today, my favorite uncle died unexpectedly. Also, today, I saw Wakanda Forever,  which made space for the unexpected death of its star, Chadwick Boseman. We always seem to be surprised when people die, even though we know that every birth ends with death. Denying death doesn't stop it from happening. Knowing that we all will die eventually should not be scary. It just means that we have to make the most of the limited moments that we have on this earth. We must intentionally fill each of those moments with love. I am sad that I've lost people that I love, and I am glad that I experienced their love in my life. I hope that my light continues to shine even when I'm gone because I created a legacy of love. On another note, I am grateful for everyone who has supported my motherhood journey with a gift from my Amazon wish list. Each time I open my door for a new delivery, I feel the love of my village. Some boxe...

Today, my friend gave me this lovely mug.  It's the first acknowledgement of my new status.  I feel like I'm in the final days of pregnancy, and any day now, my child will make their entry into the world.  (This stage is also unlike pregnancy, because there are no obvious signs for the world to know that I'm expecting.)  In the meantime,  I am nesting.  I ordered a bunk bed that will be delivered this week, and I created an Amazon Wish List for other items that I need.  I'm looking forward to putting everything together to welcome my new addition(s).

You know we've got to find a way To bring some lovin' here today... It's official!  I'm licensed as a foster parent with the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services (DFPS).  Today, I signed the paperwork and I will be eligible for placement after 24 hours.  It took a lot of work to get to this point, and it's just the beginning.  I'm grateful to everyone who has supported me on this journey.  I'm grateful for the people who asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this.  I'm grateful for the advice and the questions, because I know that they all came from a place of love.  I celebrated this special moment in my life by having dinner with a group of girlfriends.  They each experienced childhood trauma and were not protected by the people who were supposed to take care of them.  In spite of the challenges that my friends faced as kids, they are phenomenal mothers today.  It is very likely that I will have a kid in my care who has ...

When I was a kid, I thought my mom was old. I know all kids think their parents are old, but I had solid proof! My mom was older than most of my friend's parents, except for those friends who had older siblings. Whenever we ran into my mom's old friends and high school classmates, they would talk about their kids being in college or  recently married, and I was still in elementary or middle school. My mom gave birth to me 9 days after her 28th birthday. Many of her friends had children immediately after high school or in their early 20s. I guess my mom wasn't really that old considering that my grandmother gave birth to her (the 5th child) in her 40s. I didn't fully appreciate my mother waiting to have children later than her peers until I was in college. I realized then that I wanted to have fun and do things untethered as much as I could. I decided that I would be married with a kid by 30 with another one coming within a couple of years, and at some point, we would ...

Today, I learned that the home visit report was submitted to the agency.  They will review the report and approve my application in the next few weeks. Then, I'll be licensed to foster/adopt. I'm excited about the progress. I've been asked about my placement preferences several times by the agency and home visit contractor. Everyone in my circle who knows about my journey has asked me the gender question. "Do you prefer boys or girls?" I'll use this post to address those questions. Boy or girl? I don't have a gender preference. I just want to connect with them no matter the gender. How many? I am open to having 2 kids placed in my home, because I want to accommodate siblings, and I don't currently have the capacity for more. Age? This is the answer that surprises most people. I am interested in children who are 10 years old or older. Why? I know that is the hardest group to place because they are not cute little babies. Older kids who age out of the...