That Mother Lode

A year ago, I self-administered my first hormone shots. I was nervous, scared, and hopeful. Now, I am weeks away from birthing my miracle baby. My birth team is assembled. My bags are packed. My birthing plan is written. The nursery is mostly done.  What a difference a year makes!

As a kid growing up in the 80s, one of the worst insults hurled on the playground was "test tube baby". We didn't actually know what it meant, but we just knew it was something bad. Now, I understand exactly what it means, and it's no longer viewed negatively, at least not by me. I am carrying a "test tube baby", and I'm doing it with pride and great joy.  This week, I watched  Joy: The Birth of IVF on Netflix . It's about the UK team that first tested and successfully launched IVF. There were many scientists, medical professionals, and couples who participated in the trials inspite of the backlash from the church, relatives, and the community at large. Nevertheless, they persisted. Thanks to their efforts, I am able to fulfill my dream of being a mother on my own terms.  I am grateful for the women who went ahead of me, whether they planned for a baby with IVF or they had an unplanned pregnancy. I am grateful for the women who are mothers to childre...

The big day finally arrived. I woke up from egg retrieval surgery and I couldn't stop crying and shivering. The nurse said it was due to the anesthesia wearing off. I learned that 23 eggs were retrieved and 10 were mature eggs. After the PGT-A lab tests for abnormalities on 8 embryos, I had a consultation with my doctor to discuss the results. How many of my embryos would be viable for pregnancy? If we were playing spades, I only have the high joker and a lower spade in my hand - 1 and a possible. That's disappointing, but I could still win. I only needed 1embryo to succeed. I asked about next steps, and she gave me 3 options. 1. Complete a second IVF cycle to create more embryos. (more money, no guarantee of a better outcome) 2. Have a myomectomy to remove the fibroids before implantation. (long recovery period, risk of hemorrhaging, guaranteed c-section, compromised uterus) 3. Move forward with implantation. (accept the risks, uncomfortable, start over if it doesn't wor...

I've been afraid of needles since I was a child. I developed coping mechanisms over the years, but my heart still races, my temperature rises, and my body tenses when I know I'm about to be stuck with a needle. After receiving approval for IVF, finding donor sperm, and getting the go ahead from my doctor to start the process, I had to do what scared me the most - self-administered nightly injections. They were subcutaneous (under the skin), and I could inject them in my abdomen or thighs. I was required to watch a series of videos about the medications and how to administer the shots. The nurse also gave me a demo in the doctor's office. She recommended that I sit while doing it since I have a history of fainting after shots.  I was very nervous. I told my therapist about my fear of needles a few days before I was to start treatment. She suggested that I try guided meditation to overcome my fear. Why hadn't I thought of that before? She sent me a link to a YouTube video...

In order to complete an IVF cycle, you need sperm and an egg to create an embryo.  However, I don't have a partner.  I wanted a kind, intelligent, healthy co-parent who wanted to be a father even if we weren't romantically involved.  A friend volunteered to be my sperm donor, but it didn't work out.  I decided to explore cryobanks and their limited supply of black donors.  It was like online dating, but with extensive medical and personal details and none of the banal conversations.  In my search, approximately 5% of the donors were black men.  I created a short list of favorites based on carrier status, medical history, and personality traits, and my friend helped me narrow them down.  I felt good about my decision.  I have more information about the donor and myself than most couples have about each other before conceiving.  I sent the selected donor's profile to my doctor's office, and I met with a genetic counselor to review h...

Last year, I had another teary well-woman exam.  During that visit, my doctor suggested a hysterectomy because of my asymptomatic fibroids, and that made me angry.  I told her that I was in the process of adopting a child, so she thought that meant I had given up on carrying a baby and I would be interested in removing my uterus completely to get rid of the fibroids.  Hearing that I would lose the opportunity to have a biological child made me so angry and sad.  I wanted to preserve my fertility.  I told her I wasn't ready to give up, so she ordered lab tests for my hormone levels and a view of my ovaries to determine if my reproductive system looked healthy.  The results were much better than expected, especially for a woman of "advanced maternal age".  At 42, I decided to pursue egg freezing to preserve my chances of having a baby in the future.  However, my health insurance denied authorization for the procedure AGAIN.  I'm not a quitter....

The ruling by the Alabama Supreme Court that frozen embryos are 'children' sent shock waves throughout the country.  Some fertility clinics in the state immediately paused IVF treatments.  As a woman who has frozen embryos in storage, I am sad, upset, and empathetic for all the people in Alabama who are impacted by this decision.  I am concerned about Texas enacting the same rules and restricting fertility treatments.  I wish that people, especially governing bodies comprised mostly of old men, would stay out of our wombs.  How Alabama's ruling that frozen embryos are 'children' could impact IVF