That Mother Lode

I'm experiencing a very challenging period of my life. I am a new mom, and I'm caring for my mother who has dementia. Sometimes she's my mom, and sometimes she's my toddler. It feels like I've climbed a mountain every time I leave the house with Ayomi for a scheduled activity. This morning started off rockier than usual. Not only did I have to dress myself and Ayomi, I had to make sure my mom was dressed too. It was a struggle, but we made it to the event (later than planned).  More than 20 years ago, my mom founded Pretty N Pink, a Breast Cancer Support organization focused on bringing awareness and support to black women in southern Dallas. She started by hosting a gathering of about 20 people in 2002. Today, there were over 200 people gathered in a ballroom for Pretty N Pink's annual fundraising breakfast. At one point, I looked around the room at all those people, and I felt very emotional. They were there because my mom created this organization when she wa...

There can be no keener revelation of a society's soul than the way in which it treats its children . - Nelson Mandela  When I was a kid, probably in middle school, I remember my mom helping a boy in foster care as a CASA volunteer. He even spent Christmas day with our family that year. Earlier in my life, I saw her mentor teen girls in our neighborhood. My mom always showed us that we could still help others with our limited resources.  I want to help children in foster care even though my adoption experience didn't turn out the way I hoped. When I saw an ad for Dallas CASA a few months ago, I decided to submit an application. CASA is a national organization with local representatives. They are always looking for volunteers to serve the children in foster care. Last month, I was sworn-in as a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA), and I've already been assigned to a young person who is preparing for adulthood. (Of course, I requested to be matched with an older kid.) I...

Several people told me, "The days are long and the years are short" when it comes to raising children. I understood that in theory, and now I know it in practice. I am exhausted when I get into bed at night because I'm so busy all day. Thankfully, Ayomi sleeps through the night now. He is changing day by day, exploring more and more.  He rolls, scoots, reaches, babbles, and he even tried to swim in the bathtub last night. I'm grateful to see how he's learning and growing in so many ways. I am thrilled by his curiosity. He's experiencing the world for the first time, which makes me slow down and experience things that I took for granted previously.  Being apart during the day makes our time together feel richer and more precious. Sometimes I look at him in wonder and amazement that he's my baby. My gift. My joy. I really struggled physically, mentally, and emotionally in the beginning. It's not easy, but we're finding what works best for us. As he g...

Today was Ayomi's first day at a childcare center. On the way there, I told him what to expect, and I tried to be cheerful. The pep talk was really for me to calm my own nerves. I left him smiling in the arms of strangers, and he didn't seem to be bothered when I walked out. I cried in my car. He was still smiling when I returned a few hours later. He had a good day, and that made me feel better.   

4:19am Hi. I feel like I'm crashing, and I need to breathe. Are you able to come over today for 1-2 hours? 4:58am  Hey there. Great awareness and proactiveness. Thursday is my long day...but i will see where I can make a hole.   Even though it seems like we're finding our rhythm more and more, this week felt harder. Ayomi woke up around 2:30am yesterday, and I couldn't go back to sleep after feeding him because I was so stressed.  I sing, talk, read, and play with him all day everyday, because I want to be engaged and let him know that he is important to me. He is thriving and showing great curiosity, which makes me feel good. However, I am an introvert. I have learned to adapt and exhibit extroverted behaviors when needed, but it is draining to be "on" all the time without alone  time for me to recover and get re-energized. I desperately reached out to my friend for help, and she responded without judgment. She watched him and I was able to recharge for a few hou...

It's been more than 3 months since our family of 3 was formed. Ayomi is growing and changing daily. He's more active and attentive to the world around him. He's "talkative" and doesn't seem to care that I don't understand his language yet. His laughter and gummy smile brighten each day. He mostly sleeps through the night now. He's enjoying baths more, and we have a good bedtime routine in place. Isis sometimes sits outside the nursery door so she can see us getting ready for bed. (She's not allowed in bedrooms.) She generally ignores Ayomi and stays focused on me. I think they will be great friends once Ayomi is mobile and they can play together. Enjoying the beautiful weather together Isis sitting outside the nursery