Mother Tongue Part 2

I decided to turn the grief from my divorce into a positive, and I became more intentional about inspiring other people's children the same way that I wanted someone to inspire my future children.  That included volunteering to teach children's church.  I planted seeds by mentoring.  I bought books.  I sponsored scholarships.  I wrote letters to pen pals.  I visited juvenile detention centers.  I stood fully as a member of the village that raises children to fulfill their potential, and I embraced my support role.  My desire to be a mother didn't end. 

I am blessed to have several close friends who have shown me that there are many paths to motherhood. They showed me what was possible. Their personal experiences taught me about IVF and IUF, gestational surrogacy, and donor sperm. (Aside: Why did autocorrect change that to "superman"? lol)

At the beginning of 2021, two things happened that drew me closer to the foster care system. First, the news was plastered with coverage of unaccompanied children at the border who needed homes. I thought about how I could help those kids.  I knew that some of them were in temporary shelters near my house. I live near the airport, and I see ICE vehicles pretty regularly. Pre-pandemic, I was an Airbnb host, and I had the room to provide housing if needed. However, I was not licensed to provide foster care. The second thing that happened during that time was I received an email from an organization where I was a member years ago (I don't remember which one). I'm still on their distribution list and I occasionally skim the emails. There was a link in that email to an organization called, The Way Home Adoption, and I wanted to know more. They use a child-centered approach to find families for kids ages 11-17, because older kids are harder to place. I immediately submitted my application to volunteer after browsing the site. At the time, I wasn't sure about being a foster parent or even adopting, but I knew I could give a couple of hours a month to volunteer with the kids. I completed the orientation and background check, and they gave me a packet that included a list of licensing agencies just in case I was interested in getting licensed to adopt in Texas. That list was long and I ignored it for several months.

TWHA hosts Enrich & Engage events with fun activities for the kids, like painting, cooking, fishing, jui jitsu, etc. The volunteers help the kids at these events and build connections with them in a low pressure, organic way. Not all of the volunteers are interested in adoption, so they welcome anyone who has a heart for the kids (and passes a background check). In my opinion, the events are like group dates where you just go to have a good time, and if you meet someone who seems cool, then that's great! If not, then you had fun anyway and made new friends, which makes you want to go back the next time. Volunteers also help transport the kids to the events. That's where a lot of the real bonding seems to happen, because you can focus on that 1 kid (or kids) while you're driving for 30 minutes to an hour each way. (It takes 1 hour to drive from one part of Houston to another.) I've learned so much about the kids just from asking them what kind of music they like on the radio. Sometimes that simple question opens the door for them, and they just start talking about school, friends, family, etc., and I listen. There have been times when I had to hold back my tears while driving and listening to them. They are going through normal teen challenges with the added burden of unstable housing, feeling displaced and unwanted, and being separated from siblings and other family members.

After volunteering for a few months, I decided that I wanted to be licensed "just in case". I reached out to someone that I knew was a foster mom and asked for advice about the process. She also helped me narrow down the long list of licensing agencies that I received from TWHA. I contacted the agency that I selected and attended their virtual orientation session. They said that the process could be as short as 90 days or up to a year without repeating classes. I knew I would be on the slow track. Next, I indicated that I was interested in moving forward with them, and they provided an application for me to complete and assigned a Family Home Developer.  I completed the long application along with a background check, fingerprinting, reference checks, hours of classes, and a couple of home visits with extensive interviews, followed by review and approval by the agency.  I took my first class in August of 2021, and I was licensed in November of 2022.

I still can't believe that I chose to move forward without a partner. I've never wanted to be a single parent. However, I realized that I can be a mother to a child who needs me now. I have enough support, and I know I won't be alone.