I Choose

In order to complete an IVF cycle, you need sperm and an egg to create an embryo.  However, I don't have a partner.  I wanted a kind, intelligent, healthy co-parent who wanted to be a father even if we weren't romantically involved.  A friend volunteered to be my sperm donor, but it didn't work out.  I decided to explore cryobanks and their limited supply of black donors.  It was like online dating, but with extensive medical and personal details and none of the banal conversations.  In my search, approximately 5% of the donors were black men.  I created a short list of favorites based on carrier status, medical history, and personality traits, and my friend helped me narrow them down.  I felt good about my decision.  I have more information about the donor and myself than most couples have about each other before conceiving.  I sent the selected donor's profile to my doctor's office, and I met with a genetic counselor to review his medical history and mine.  We are not carriers for the same diseases, so there's a minimal chance of my kid inheriting a genetic disorder.  After the genetic counseling, I purchased a vial of sperm from "Donnie, the donor", and it was shipped to my fertility clinic. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would buy sperm, but I did.

I also met with a reproductive psychologist to talk through the IVF process and how my entire life will change when I have a baby.  We talked about the challenges of parenting without a partner, and she gave me resources to help me be successful.  I am on the path to being a single mother by choice (SMBC).  Saying that out loud made me emotional.  It is still emotional for me, and I'm doing it anyway. A year ago, I didn't think I would be on this current path at all, but here I am. I have shared my journey with a small circle of supportive people who won't let me do this alone.

https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/single-moms-by-choice-black-women-share-their-journey/3330665/