Doing it Afraid
I've been afraid of needles since I was a child. I developed coping mechanisms over the years, but my heart still races, my temperature rises, and my body tenses when I know I'm about to be stuck with a needle. After receiving approval for IVF, finding donor sperm, and getting the go ahead from my doctor to start the process, I had to do what scared me the most - self-administered nightly injections. They were subcutaneous (under the skin), and I could inject them in my abdomen or thighs. I was required to watch a series of videos about the medications and how to administer the shots. The nurse also gave me a demo in the doctor's office. She recommended that I sit while doing it since I have a history of fainting after shots.
I was very nervous. I told my therapist about my fear of needles a few days before I was to start treatment. She suggested that I try guided meditation to overcome my fear. Why hadn't I thought of that before? She sent me a link to a YouTube video that I listened to nightly before bed. I created a playlist of videos with the injection instructions, the guided meditation for needles, and a fertility meditation to prepare for the first night. I created a motivating music playlist too. After I received the medication, I setup a beautiful prep space and created a relaxing environment for the shots. I also asked a good friend to be on standby just in case I needed to call for support and encouragement. I had a plan in place and I was as ready as I could be.
On the first night, I turned on my music, lit a candle, and nervously prepared the medication as instructed. I took a shower to relax my body. I said affirmations. I sat on the floor in dim light and calmed my mind before completing the first shot and then the second. I did it! I was so proud of myself! I repeated the process every night for almost 2 weeks. I wrote in my journal and sipped tea to seal the moment in my heart each night. I added a 3rd injection later based on my doctor's instructions. I learned that applying an ice pack helped numb the area before sticking myself. My mind returned to fear a couple of times, and I had to remind myself that I could do it, I had already done it, and I was going to do it for my baby.
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Prep area |
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Injection area (on a baby blanket from India) |
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