BOOBS

I started developing breasts in 2nd grade and felt awkward about the way my body changed over the years. My breasts grew disproportionately - small ribcage with ever expanding cups. I spent a lot of money on special bras and there was always a compromise - good fit, ugly bra or comfortable bra, no support. Not only did I have to buy expensive bras, I was always seeking comfort for my back in the form of massages, chiropractic care, massage pillows, linament, etc. I was intentional about my posture, so I didn't slouch, even though it would've relieved some pressure. My friends joked about me giving them some of my breasts to fill their cups, and I would have gladly done so to relieve my pain. My last measurement was 34K, which meant a very limited selection and no sports bras.

I dreamed of being a mom my entire life, and I just knew that my babies would be breastfed. I wanted to feed them what nature intended for as long as I could. This desire really shaped a major part of my life and how I viewed my body. I told myself in high school that I would get a breast reduction as soon as I had kids. I had no idea then that I would be in my 40s when I had my first baby. I suffered for decades to fulfill my desire to breastfeed without complications that could happen due to surgery. During my pregnancy, I put nursing supplies on my registry and never considered an alternative to feed my baby. Things changed quickly when my little one was born with jaundice. He received donor milk because my milk hadn't come in, and then formula at the hospital to help eliminate the jaundice. I pumped at the hospital and met with the lactation consultants, but nothing came. When we were released from the hospital, I took formula home as a backup while I continued to wait on my milk to come in. I hired a wonderful black lactation consultant who visited me at home to see what my breastfeeding environment was like. I was doing the right things - good positioning, latching, massages, warm compresses, supplements, pumping, lactation bites, etc.  I pumped in the middle of the night. I nursed my baby for what felt like hours at a time. I was essentially a giant pacifier for him. I produced very little milk - never enough to fill his belly. I felt like a failure. I hated when people asked me about breastfeeding and told me what I needed to do. This video really resonated with me. Mind your business

Perhaps, the stress of being a new mom without adequate support led to my body refusing to produce more. I bought the best formula that I could find to give him the nutrients he needed to grow. After about 3 months, I finally released myself from the pressure of breastfeeding and gave in to formula being his primary source of nourishment. I continued breastfeeding for bonding until he was around 4 months. I never needed the nursing pads or milk storage bags that were gifted to me, so I donated them. Somehow, my breasts still produced drops of milk for almost a year. The audacity! 

In the months that followed, I admitted to myself that I hated my breasts. I suffered for all those years, and when it was finally time for them (the breasts) to perform, they didn't. They had worn out their welcome. It was time to go. Also, the added weight of carrying Ayomi, his diaper bag, and other supplies made my back hurt even more. I scheduled consultations with plastic surgeons and received approval from my insurance for a breast reduction due to medical reasons. My desire was to have the surgery at the end of 2025 since I'd already met my deductible. However, that didn't happen. It cost twice as much out of pocket in 2026, and it was worth the money to me.

I had the surgery a few days ago, and it will take 6 weeks to fully recover. I am sore and the meds make me sleepy. I can't lift more than 10 pounds, so I always have someone with me to care for Ayomi. I'm grateful for friends and family who are helping me during this time. I look forward to being able to wear bras off the rack at Walmart and not having to alter clothes to fit my breasts. I look forward to being pain-free. I look forward to running and playing with Ayomi and being his jungle gym. I look forward to a better quality of life. This surgery was on my list of things to do to take care of myself this year. I can do other physical activities now that the weight is gone. It will take some time for me to get used to this new version of me, and I'm ready.