I'm not your superwoman

4:19am

Hi. I feel like I'm crashing, and I need to breathe. Are you able to come over today for 1-2 hours?

4:58am 

Hey there. Great awareness and proactiveness. Thursday is my long day...but i will see where I can make a hole.

 

Even though it seems like we're finding our rhythm more and more, this week felt harder. Ayomi woke up around 2:30am yesterday, and I couldn't go back to sleep after feeding him because I was so stressed. 

I sing, talk, read, and play with him all day everyday, because I want to be engaged and let him know that he is important to me. He is thriving and showing great curiosity, which makes me feel good. However, I am an introvert. I have learned to adapt and exhibit extroverted behaviors when needed, but it is draining to be "on" all the time without alone  time for me to recover and get re-energized. I desperately reached out to my friend for help, and she responded without judgment. She watched him and I was able to recharge for a few hours because I knew he was in safe hands.

I am grateful for my bonding time with Ayomi, and I recognize that I need to make some adjustments. What I've been doing is unsustainable. In order for me to be my best for him, I need more time away. I also need intellectual stimulation and quality time with friends. Those are big asks, especially considering that I am parenting alone. I know that I need more support, so I'm looking for regular caregiving options now.

I'm grateful for a safe place to land when I'm crashing.

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