That Mother Lode

"Life is queer with its twists and turns..." In the year that Mother Watson died, I experienced an existential crisis. She was one of my favorite relatives, my mom's oldest sister, my cheerleader, and my role model.  In the final months of her life, she was surrounded by family caregivers. I even traveled to Dallas to stay with her so her granddaughter (primary caregiver) could get some rest. Her death made me sad. However, I accepted that it was her time and I released her on her journey to eternity. After her death, I was overwhelmed by the display of genuine love and care from the people who knew her. She made her mark. It led me to question who would be there for me at the end of my life. Who would take care of me if I couldn't care for myself? I was single with no kids at the time. I told my mom about my fear of having no one there, and she said, without hesitation, "I'll take care of you." I said, "I'm going to live a long time, and you wo...

  Long before I had a child of my own, she saw me as a mother. There was never any pressure from her about marriage or babies. She only wanted me to be happy with whatever I chose. She prepared me for life and showed me what it looks like to be a great mother. Neither of us knew that she was also laying the groundwork for me to mother her. Most of our days are pretty hard, and I constantly remind myself that I can do/have done hard things. It is a privilege that I can care for someone who showed me so much love and care.

I started developing breasts in 2nd grade and felt awkward about the way my body changed over the years. My breasts grew disproportionately - small ribcage with ever expanding cups. I spent a lot of money on special bras and there was always a compromise - good fit, ugly bra or comfortable bra, no support. Not only did I have to buy expensive bras, I was always seeking comfort for my back in the form of massages, chiropractic care, massage pillows, linament, etc. I was intentional about my posture, so I didn't slouch, even though it would've relieved some pressure. My friends joked about me giving them some of my breasts to fill their cups, and I would have gladly done so to relieve my pain. My last measurement was 34K, which meant a very limited selection and no sports bras. I dreamed of being a mom my entire life, and I just knew that my babies would be breastfed. I wanted to feed them what nature intended for as long as I could. This desire really shaped a major part of my l...

More single women in their 40s are using IVF to have children  https://www.npr.org/2026/01/12/nx-s1-5647761/ivf-fertility-motherhood-40s-cost-donor-decision I'm glad to see that single mothers by choice are being recognized. I just wish more black women were represented. We exist. 

"Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face” - Mike Tyson I am a planner. I think about what I want and create strategies to help me achieve my goals. As much as I planned for 2025, I felt out of control for most of the year. In the past, I could work to make things happen, even if it took time, and they happened because I was the constant. However, having a baby and becoming a dementia caregiver in 2025 brought a lot of variability. Routines changed often. I had to be flexible. I  had to be vulnerable and ask for patience from others when I was late or didn't know if I would actually show up. It didn't matter if I woke up earlier or prepped the night before -  blowouts (and other bodily fluids) happened, rebellion happened, fevers and rashes happened. I had to adapt to it all. I am still learning to be nimble and adjust to all of the variables. It's taxing on my mind, body, and spirit.  Back in November, my friend asked me about my goals/intentions for ...

I am rarely alone because my shadows follow me around the house. Isis isn't allowed in certain rooms, but she sticks as close to me as she can and sometimes sits outside the door watching me. Ayomi crawls all over the house trailing me. One day, I walked out of the laundry room, and they were both sitting there waiting on me. They make me feel like I'm the most important person in the world, because I am, in their world.  Since Ayomi is mobile now, he likes to reach out to Isis and try to play. I tell him to be gentle because he pulls her ears sometimes. Isis allows him to touch her, even her hypersensitive paws, without fussing. She mostly avoids him though. She's never mean or aggressive, she just tolerates him while trying to get close to me. She no longer sits outside his bedroom door while I prepare him for bed. Instead, she prefers to stay outside and come in the house once he's sleeping. It's funny to watch her sniff and look to be sure he's not around be...

I'm experiencing a very challenging period of my life. I am a new mom, and I'm caring for my mother who has dementia. Sometimes she's my mom, and sometimes she's my toddler. It feels like I've climbed a mountain every time I leave the house with Ayomi for a scheduled activity. This morning started off rockier than usual. Not only did I have to dress myself and Ayomi, I had to make sure my mom was dressed too. It was a struggle, but we made it to the event (later than planned).  More than 20 years ago, my mom founded Pretty N Pink, a Breast Cancer Support organization focused on bringing awareness and support to black women in southern Dallas. She started by hosting a gathering of about 20 people in 2002. Today, there were over 200 people gathered in a ballroom for Pretty N Pink's annual fundraising breakfast. At one point, I looked around the room at all those people, and I felt very emotional. They were there because my mom created this organization when she wa...

There can be no keener revelation of a society's soul than the way in which it treats its children . - Nelson Mandela  When I was a kid, probably in middle school, I remember my mom helping a boy in foster care as a CASA volunteer. He even spent Christmas day with our family that year. Earlier in my life, I saw her mentor teen girls in our neighborhood. My mom always showed us that we could still help others with our limited resources.  I want to help children in foster care even though my adoption experience didn't turn out the way I hoped. When I saw an ad for Dallas CASA a few months ago, I decided to submit an application. CASA is a national organization with local representatives. They are always looking for volunteers to serve the children in foster care. Last month, I was sworn-in as a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA), and I've already been assigned to a young person who is preparing for adulthood. (Of course, I requested to be matched with an older kid.) I...

Several people told me, "The days are long and the years are short" when it comes to raising children. I understood that in theory, and now I know it in practice. I am exhausted when I get into bed at night because I'm so busy all day. Thankfully, Ayomi sleeps through the night now. He is changing day by day, exploring more and more.  He rolls, scoots, reaches, babbles, and he even tried to swim in the bathtub last night. I'm grateful to see how he's learning and growing in so many ways. I am thrilled by his curiosity. He's experiencing the world for the first time, which makes me slow down and experience things that I took for granted previously.  Being apart during the day makes our time together feel richer and more precious. Sometimes I look at him in wonder and amazement that he's my baby. My gift. My joy. I really struggled physically, mentally, and emotionally in the beginning. It's not easy, but we're finding what works best for us. As he g...